I have been asked about Becca's means of expression, especially since she does not use words to communicate yet. She uses body language, gestures, and facial expressions. She might walk me to an object or place my hand on an object to tell me what she wants. The other day, she wanted me to make her some pasta alfredo and had brought me the box of pasta and the jar of alfredo sauce and led me to the stove, which I absolutely loved. But one of the biggest ways that she communicates is through the use of stimming - also known as self-stimulating behaviors. These stims often manifest themselves in the form of repetitive body movements or repetitive movements of objects. Many individuals on the Autism spectrum engage in routine stimming. There are many types of stims that engage the senses (see chart above), and Becca uses stimming often to express a variety of emotions.
When Becca was first beginning therapy services, one of the first questions I was asked by her therapists was whether we wanted them to train her to reduce the frequency of her stimming. My thinking on this has always been that I wanted techniques to redirect any stims that could be potentially harmful, but that I didn't want to eliminate stimming altogether. We have to encourage our Autistic children to explore and interact with the world around them in a way they can understand. And that may mean that they stim, and it may mean that their play looks different than other kids. It may mean that they make random sounds. And that is 100% okay. As Becca's mother, I want her to be exactly who she is. If she stims, let her stim. If she rocks or flaps, let her rock or flap. If she is behaving in ways that are potentially dangerous, I want to redirect but only in ways that do not take away her means of self-expression. If she were verbal, I wouldn't put a muzzle over her mouth to prevent her from speaking - so why would I advocate to take away a behavior that she uses to interact with the world around her?
When Becca was younger and we would buy her puzzles she was NOT interested in putting the pieces into the puzzle. She would grab each piece, examine it, bring it close to her face and then line them up along her legs. And so what did we do? Yes, we showed her how puzzles are designed but we sat with her. I lined up puzzle pieces on her legs and mine - and we labeled colors and shapes and animal sounds as we did so. And guess what? Three years later, Becca is a master at puzzles and she loves them - and doesn’t need my help completing them properly. If I had insisted that she play with the puzzles “appropriately”, as in, how they are designed, I would have inadvertently taught her that she is not safe to be who she is or to play how she plays even at home, when she should feel safest. And I would have killed her creativity in the process. The same is true of the stims. If she needs the stims for self-expression and regulation, and the specific behaviors aren't a danger to herself or others, or aren't distracting from her ability to engage in important tasks, then full speed ahead. And for those stims that need redirecting, let's figure out what need she is communicating through the stim so that we can fill that need in a safer way (for example, a child violently rocks themselves in bed and so the parent buys a rocking chair to fill the need to rock more functionally).
At this point in our journey, we can tell the difference between a happy stim, a tired stim, an anxious stim or a frustrated stim. I wouldn’t DREAM of taking that away from Becca. Yes, it might be distracting to some and yes, people might stare. And yes, there are those that might even judge. But we will not force our Becca into a mold that doesn’t suit her just because the way she expresses herself might make other people uncomfortable or because other people don’t understand our journey.
Every child’s developmental process is different. Becca may be on an alternate schedule but she is blossoming and God has her in the palm of His hand throughout her journey. And when she finally arrives at her destination, it will be the most amazing, beautiful, and glorious wonder to behold.
So stim away, baby girl!
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