Love and Understanding: Grandparents of Autistic Kids

Sep 7, 2024

4 min read

Sunday, September 8 is Grandparent's Day, and we celebrate grandparents and the many wonderful ways that they contribute to the lives of their grandchildren. Becca is so blessed to have two amazing grandmothers who love her unconditionally and who are such a big part of her life. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child - and we are so grateful to have "Grandma" (my mom) and "Wela" (my mother-in-law) as two huge pillars in our village. We don't know what we would do without them - both full of love, wisdom, advice, understanding, and a whole lot of fun for our Becca! And though "Grandpa" and "Welo" are no longer with us, we remember them this weekend and the beautiful bond that each of them shared with Becca.

Studies have shown that grandparents taking an active role in the raising of their grandchildren can be mutually beneficial. Grandparents provide a stable, safe, loving and fun environment for their grandchildren and the closeness between grandchildren and grandparents may keep older adults sharp, ward off depression, boost social connections, and solidify an important family relationship. Some positive results of grandparents caring for their grandchildren are:

Peace of mind – Parents know that their children are with those who love them and are giving them the time an attention their parents can’t while at work.
Financial – Childcare is expensive. Parents may be able to save in lieu of paying the high cost of childcare.
Flexibility – If the parents are called in to work on an off day, grandparents are generally ready, willing and able to take on whatever was planned for that day.
Health – Many grandparents feel that their grandchildren keep them fit and to a grandchild no one can fix a cut or scrape better than a grandparent.
Wisdom – Grandparents can impart great wisdom to a child in a way that is more acceptable than if a parent tries to impart that same wisdom.

All grandparents are special, but if you are the grandparent of a child recently diagnosed with Autism, you may be feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about how best to support your family. In 2009, the Interactive Autism Network (IAN) conducted a survey of 2,600 grandparents of Autistic children to learn how having a grandchild with Autism changed their lives and how they supported the emotional and economic needs of their adult children and grandchildren. Highlights of what was learned from grandparents in this survey include:

Many grandparents report their values have shifted to include more family commitment and family activities, that leaves them feeling content and fulfilled.
Nearly 90% felt that the experience of facing their grandchild's situation together had brought them and their adult child closer.
72% of grandparents said they play some role in making treatment decisions for their grandchild.
More than 7% said they had actually combined households with their grandchild’s family so they could help them manage all that’s involved in raising a child with Autism , while 14% had moved closer (but not into the same home) for the same reason.
Over 34% said they take care of their grandchild at least once a week and about one in five grandparents indicated that they provide regular transportation for the child.
A quarter of grandparents reported spending up to $99 a month on their grandchild’s autism-related needs, with some contributing more than $500 or $1,000 monthly.

In addition to the many ways that grandparents contribute to overall family well-being and functioning, a major concern for grandparents is the well-being of their adult children. Because a child’s Autism diagnosis can lead to emotional, financial, and marital stress, grandparents of Autistic children frequently play an even more significant role in helping their families. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some ideas on how you can help:

Ask if you can babysit your grandchild for a few hours so that the parents can get a break or enjoy some alone time with their spouse.
If you live at a distance or are not comfortable babysitting your grandchild, you may want to offer to pay for respite services if possible.
Educate yourself and your extended family about Autism. Attend seminars, read books, call or email your family to get frequent updates on your grandchild’s progress.
Become active in your grandchild's treatment and development. If you live nearby, offer to accompany your grandchild to his or her therapy appointments to observe these sessions and learn effective techniques for interacting with your grandchild.

Some ways you can emotionally support your adult children:

Respect the decisions they make for their child. They will appreciate your support. Ask for clarification or more information if you have specific questions.
Share a sense of hope with your family.

This Grandparent's Day and every day, we celebrate all of the wonderful grandmothers, grandfathers, great-grandmothers, and great-grandfathers for the unconditional love and support they provide to their families. We, your adult children, are grateful to you in ways that you can't even begin to imagine and we want you to know how important and how valued you truly are. I, personally, thank God for the beautiful relationship that Becca has with Wela and with Grandma and though Becca can't verbalize it yet, I know that she loves the two of them immensely.

For more information, feel free to check out the additional resources below.

Disclaimer: This list of resources is not meant to be an endorsement of the organization or the services that they provide, nor does it imply total agreement with the information contained on their sites. Please use your own discretion when reviewing any online resources.